UPDATE OCTOBER 2012

UPDATE

Dakota left The High Frontier residential treatment center at the beginning of August.  He was not finished with the progam, but after 16 months we did not feel he had made enough progress to justify keeping him there.  And although he did leave against medical advise, we were hopeful he could stay home. We worked hard on a plan, attachment parenting, and all kinds of things prior to his return. However, It was apparent very quickly, it was not going to work.  A string of events (including facing two criminal charges which would land him back in juvenile detention) led us to seek advise on what the best placement is for Dakota right now. He is too aggressive to live at home and simply not equipped to deal with life. Literally.

An Accurate Diagnosis
Over the years, it has been difficult to get a definitive diagnosis for what was going on with Dakota. Each professional we went to had a different opinion/diagnosis. Each time we would try to treat him accordingly-not seeing any results. A couple years ago, I mentioned Dakota was diagnosed with nonverbal learning disorder (NLD). NLD is categorized as a Learning Disorder and is diagnosed based on IQ test scores. It is not a subjective assessment or an opinion-the results make the "diagnosis". What we didn't realize is that was the underlying problem for most of Dakota's extreme behaviors. Not many professionals are familiar with NLD, so they fall back on things like BiPolar to explain the explosive behavior. NLD is considered high functioning autism and caused by damage to the white matter of the brain. It is not something that can be cured and is a life long disability. However, with appropriate treatment, Dakota should be able to learn how to function in society. However, his functioning in society will look different than his neurotypical peers. Independent living would be a huge success and we will work toward that goal.

Our confirmation of an accurate diagnosis came by way of professionals who are very familiar with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) at Second Nature Wilderness Program. This is an 8-12 week therapeutic program in the Uinta mountains of Northern Utah.  Dakota's doctor spends two days living in the wilderness with him every week. Then we have a 1 hour appointment with his doctor each week for updates and assignments based on what is happening with Dakota. The Dr. has also mentioned Pervasive Developmental Disorder and Asperger's. Some of these spectrum disorders can overlap, so you might hear us refer to PDD or Asperger's as well as NLD  (Note, this therapeutic wilderness program is NOT boot camp)

Dakota will be in the wilderness the entire time, sleeping on the ground with a mat/sleeping bag  and a tarp overhead for protection from the weather. They have to start their fires without matches, prepare and cook non processed food, & eat with utensils they have whittled out of wood. No bathrooms, no showers, no technology, no comforts of home, no excessive stimuli. It is a very intensive program of survival and healing therapy.

We will not be able to speak with Dakota for probably around 4 weeks, but write letters back and forth. The parents are very involved with about 3 hours of assignments each week and when we go for his "graduation", will have to rough it in the wilderness for 2 days with him. I'm hoping they at least give us a tent...and an air mattress would be nice!

The majority of children transition to another program after Second Nature. Our family is looking at huge financial sacrifice for the next couple years and will be asking again for family and friends to partner with us through tax deductible donations to Adoptive Families Coalition. Every last penny of ours went to pay for the first 42 days of wilderness. We are praying for additional finances to become available. Part of the process includes applying for a medical loan, applying for social security supplemental income based on Dakota's disability and applying for medicaid. If we are approved for any or all of those programs, it still does not bring in enough income to cover the cost of treatment. (In fact if we are lucky, it might cover a day or two per month!) The cost of Second Nature is $485/day and we anticipate needing another $10,000 to finish wilderness. The progam he will be transitioning to, which also has a large population of ASD kids, is $8000/month and they estimate most spectrum kids finish in a little over a year. Trust us, if there was another path we would take it! At this point in time there is not, unless we give up on Dakota. We feel God blessed us with him for a reason and he is worth giving him the opportunity for success.

We ask not only for financial support, but prayer and compassion- not judgement. This is not a parenting issue, this is not just a willful child being rebellious. I know it is difficult for those who have not experienced it to understand and believe that is true. We need you to have faith in us. This has been the most tiring and heart wrenching process and need your help. Its not fun to ask for help, but we have to, so here we are. Humbled, Broken, Tired and Hopeful.  

As we continue this journey, we are using our experience to help guide other families who are on similar paths. It is such a relief when you meet someone who "gets it" because they have been here or are here. This isn't just about our family-this is about changing the system and raising awareness and aid for children with serious mental health and learning/emotional/behavioral issues. Its about keeping youth out of prison and promoting true healing. Children are the future and should be worth our time and effort.